anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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