Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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