Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
