god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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