my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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