You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
