I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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