Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
