I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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