I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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