her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
