I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
