i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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