Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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