She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
