I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
