Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
there is puke in my bra ... again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
