We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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