i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
