happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize