dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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