Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
