I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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