it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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