If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize