i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's the barista slut.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
