Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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