They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize