Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
