Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
