yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
