I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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