nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize