just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
now i know why i became what i already was.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
