i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
