so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
