I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
