I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
