they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
smell my finger.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
