Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
