May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
