I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
