My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
