he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We don't watch enough power rangers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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