her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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