like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
