I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
