after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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