I just threw up on my dentist
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize