I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
