Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
