Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
