LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
