We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
