Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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