I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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