i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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