I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
