How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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