He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
