Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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