I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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