so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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