dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize