Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
