upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
