At least make sure they are 18
Why
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
