Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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