just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
